Im a seven-inch cowboy
With a tiny pair of six guns.
Fivell get you ten,
I betcha never seen one.
Well Im a seven inch cowboy
How do you be?
And Im used to people gawking and a-staring at me
But I wasnt always so gol-darned wee
Let me tell you my story,
You can listen for free.

For seven long years,
Now thats a year for every inch I stand
Ive traveled small and lonely down the byways of this giant land
Like a country western Lilliputian too afraid to stop
Im at the bottom of the food chain whereas I once was at the top.
I wandered on foot, my horse had done abandoned me
And every town I come tos like a terrible dream
The other cowboys mocked me and spit tobacco like meteors
Watching me dodge em and laughing at my small squeaky scream
I went to a saloon to get a drink
They wouldnt serve me
They stuffed me in a glass and slid me up and down the bar
And all the barroom women gathered round and had their way with me
They sang a song both cold and mean
Cause thats how women are,
They sang,

A man can pan for gold and strike it rich and be a millionaire
Or ride the rodeo and be the best one at it anywhere.
Drive a brand new car, be a movie star
Size is all that counts, and there you are.

And Im a seven-inch cowboy
With a tiny pair of six guns
Fivell get you ten
I bet you never seen one

(Yodeling)

Now as you can imagine, Id grown pretty bitter
(Although thats the only way in which I had grown)
And in that seventh year I finally found my transgressor,
The man who had shrunk me, the worst fiend Id ever known.
The mad Professor Mentley was his name and I drew near
I hopped upon his shoulder and I grabbed him by the ear
I held my little pistols up